My Egypt Prep List

So, tomorrow I'm gonna be shoving off for a week-long 'academic excursion' to Egypt. We will be exploring how the issues of modernization and development in the Arab world differ in the North African context. However, from what I understand, Egypt is not the most suitable place for any variety of academic study, even if Egypt happens to be the topic of choice.

There seems to be a consensus among Jordanians as to what I should expect to find in Egypt. What they tell me is that Egypt is a land of a loud and wild people who, though incredibly industrious and useful in masonry, are dirty, unhygienic, and ultimately profoundly untrustworthy. So, with their helpful caveats in mind, I wrote down a list of items that I thought essential for my survival.

First off, anti-diarrhea medicine. The very first thing any Jordanian says when I tell him that I'm going to Egypt is "Be sure to take care about the food! All the time people get sick from the food." In a land that is unregulated by rationality, law, or respect for reasonable standards of living, food preparation is treated with the same regard for cleanliness as manure mixing. And apparently these two tasks are sometimes executed simultaneously.



Second thing, oxygen tank. It seems that Cairo is a grotesquely polluted city, it's air heavy with the weight of CO2 and carbon-monoxide molecules the cornucopia of taxis replenishes everyday. But luckily the Egyptians have managed to adapt; they, like plants, depend mostly on CO2 for respiration, however, unlike plants, their exhalation does not release oxygen into their atmosphere, to the great misfortune of visitors. Instead, loud, sometimes comical Arabic rants are what escape from these Egyptians' mouths, contributing to the noise pollution that also apparently defines the Cairo experience.



Third, magical charms and spray bottles. These are to ward off the gypsies. Enough said.



Fourth, pants with button-able pockets. The Egyptians are trained from birth in the dark arts of thievery and manipulation. Apparently, if the seasoned Egyptian wants your wallet, he doesn't have to stoop to the embarrassing and dishonorable level of stealing it from you. He can simply look at you with a piercing glance, whisper a few words with his dark, moustached lips and you'll hand it over with a smile. This is called being 'E-jipped,'and there are countless victims of this ancient practice all over Cairo it seems. The button-able pockets are for the younger ones. They're in training.

Apparently, everything else I need to prepare for are things I've seen in the states: shrewd drug-dealers, wily prostitutes, and abrasive cab drivers.

So, friends and family, know that I will be just fine during my week in Egypt. The Jordanians have prepared me well. Thanks to their broad generalizations and sweeping stereotypes, I will return from Egypt healthy, un-bewitched, and alive.

Yes!